Some college fun----

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.

*** You can lead a boy to college but you can't make him think.

*** Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates....

*** Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology.

*** When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.

*** The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

*** 80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

*** Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

*** The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

*** If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

*** If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

*** Bryn Mawr had done what a four-year dose of liberal education was designed to do: unfit her for eighty per cent of useful work of the world.

*** College isn't the place to go for ideas.

*** Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!

*** I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. (Clown Prince of American Humor, 1975)

*** They are so afraid we shall break down, and you know the reputation of the college is at stake, for the question is, can girls get a college degree without injuring their health.

*** Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
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